She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize