If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
