If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
