We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
