Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
