My nipple is on Facebook.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
