I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize