He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
