were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
