so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
