Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
