Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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