I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
