I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
