K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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