Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I faked an abortion last night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
