there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
