This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
