If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
