I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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