He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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