i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
