Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
