all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
