he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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