Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
