Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
