i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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