I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The Olympian is in my bed
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
