so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize