tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
