It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
