so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize