tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
