I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
