you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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