So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I love having hate sex.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
