Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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