Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
