if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
