new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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