as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
