i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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