She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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