Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
