Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
