the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
this will be a night to untag.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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