The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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