my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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