tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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