you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
