remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
