Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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