i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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