if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize
