I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
