You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so let's talk penis.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
