Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize