suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
