I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So squirting runs in the family.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
