just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
