You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
