With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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