i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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