Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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