I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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