He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
