god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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