GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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