her vagine was all disorganized.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
