Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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