I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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