i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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