He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
