You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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