OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
