You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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