I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Randomize
