I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
True but thats because hes a fetus.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize