Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
