I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm sobbing to NWA
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
