I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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