The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
