Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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