If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
