there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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