Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
