Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
