I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
