i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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