Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
