i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
