i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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