wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
