i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
