You just made me feel so damn special
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
