i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
