Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Everyone says I win the strip club
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