I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
