we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
