Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
