I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize