I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
