sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
