Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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