I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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