the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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